Everyone believes that they are gifted with what’s called a ‘good personality’. Outside of the occasional internet forum, where being wrong and an idiot will get you proverbially tarred and feathered, usually no one is willing to divest you of that firmly-held opinion. But even you can concede that your personality is different to that of your bubbly flatmate, your sarcastic co-worker, your adrenaline junkie driving instructor. So what’s your by-word? How would your friends describe you? Who the hell are you?!
We’ve boiled down the questions of three thousand years of shoe-gazing, introspection and general philosophy and transformed them into a simple, fool-proof test: what kind of smartphone are you? Like all top quality cult leaders (L. Ron Hubbard, do you read me?), we believe that there are in fact only three different categories applicable here:
Type A for Active:
Your idea of a light jog is a 10k. You wear jogging pants to work, regardless of how many people stare at your ass, and you love your bike more than most people love their husbands. Famously clumsy, and roguishly avid about all things adventurous, you detest manufactured air, and feel hemmed in with your (latex-clad) legs underneath a desk. Most days will see you lunching on energy bars and doing tricep dips on your chair as the week rolls towards Spelunking Sunday.
You, my friend, are a Sony Xperia Active. No compromising and no messing about: this phone is built to be as (freakishly) active as you are. It’s reinforced against dropping and spilling hazards and is dust and water resistant to boot. Plus, it can be your own personal trainer, as it comes pre-loaded with fitness apps. You like your phone to pull no punches, just like you.
Type B for Business:
You sit at your desk at work, busily running the world from a corner office with a view. As you type with one hand you sip coffee with the other, and all the while dictating to a terrified secretary. Your phone starts to ring and you answer it using a pre-recorded voice activation tag, enabling you to pause just one of the multitude of tasks you’re engaged in. It’s completely dark as you leave the office, and you switch comfortably into ‘Home’ mode, with your own specially-designed profile. You listen to one of the playlists stored in your handset on the train home, and when you’re five minutes away receive a call from your partner asking you to bring back milk. You quickly Google the opening times of the nearest supermarket.
You are the Nokia Lumia 800. You want your phone to be a source of information and reliable communication, as well as sleekly fitting in with your business persona. You enjoy being able to separate home from work with the classic Nokia personalisation profiles. You’re not too bothered by novelty apps or the like, given you spend your workday in front of a high quality PC, and when you have spare time it isn’t spent on Facebook. The phone’s People Hub however does help you keep up with your business contacts without having to open a dedicated Twitter app. The design of the Lumia suits you, as you can easily operate it one-handed while you steer your empire. The Bluetooth, Nokia Drive and Maps applications make this the perfect phone for business travel. All of the information, and no waiting is what you expect of your smartphone.
Type C for C…areer-Cool Guy:
You strut along the busy city streets, earphones blasting esoteric indie-retro-funk with jazz infusions. As you flaunt your stuff, you bark interrogatively into your handset, demanding to know the location of the closest artisan bread supplier. As you do so, you casually glance about, searching for that inspirational, subtly hilarious, and ‘so you’ photo opportunity. And wait! A dog sits next to a street sign, its head inclined slightly to the left as if it’s reading said sign. Bless. And bam, there it is. Upload to Flickr (via Instagram), post to Twitter, and just wait for the likes and favourites to roll in en masse.
You, my friend, are an iPhone 4S. You’re into appearances when they signal quality and originality, and (failing the latter) the slimmed down, and yet identifiably ‘Apple’ appearance of the iPhone 4S is right up your alley. You like things now, and you’re lost without access to the internet, which is why the super-speedy iOS 5 appeals to you. More importantly, you would rather shrivel up and die before you’d de-activate your Facebook account, and you fully enjoy being constantly in touch, and constantly visible, hence your addiction to the 1080p HD camera.
Do Jung proud and riddle me this: which smartphone are you?
The burning question that everyone’s asking: which smartphone are you?,
