The release of the iPhone 4S in late 2011 prompted mixed reactions all over the world. Do you love the slimness, or hate the lack of a redesign? Do you find the enhanced Twitter interface useful, or do you view it as another pointless and facile mode of supposed communication that would be better off removed, given its sheer uselessness? For me, the iPhone has always produced a turmoil of powerful and conflicting emotions. I both want it and despise its existence. I simultaneously loathe it and loathe myself, while marvelling at its innovation. I covet the iPhone, whilst declaiming against those carrying it around (with their hipster glasses and retro moustaches, the jerks).
What is it about the iPhone that has me so conflicted? Oh, don’t worry, I’ll tell you.
The look of the iPhone has to be one of my favourite things about it, and given that the iPhone 4S is practically bulimic, weighing in at 137 grams whilst retaining the bulk and ergonomic feel of the traditional iPhone – I am sold. Lighter pockets, but the same ‘I’m holding something, and it feels good’ sensation.
The way others look carrying it around, parading it under my nose, and causing me to become one of the crazies on public transport, as I start muttering threateningly under my breath, clasping my hands and clothes a little too tightly. And I can’t avoid sitting next to me.
Siri. It may be a cliché to bang on about Siri Voice activation, but damn the thing is so futuristically cool, it makes HAL look like something dating from, well, 2001. Although hopefully your iPhone will never tell you that you’re hurting it, Brian. Siri makes your hands look like a VHS player – completely obsolete. Now you can simply speak to your phone, and have it answer back. Unsure about the weather? Ask it whether you’ll need an umbrella, and be told the forecast. Driving? Dictate a text message, or, better still, have your incoming messages read aloud to you.
The fear it inspires. Technology this cool makes me think that maybe the robot takeover is only days away. And I don’t have an escape plan.
The iPhone 4S camera. With 1080p, and a busload of hi-tech, newly pixelated, digitalised jargon, the camera is a massive improvement, and brings Apple up to speed in the smartphone market. If you are one of those people who must memortalise every minute, or take a shot for the instant nostalgia (‘Look how cool we just were!’), then this camera is for you. If you simply enjoy having the option of capturing a few heartfelt moments, then you can rest assured that as long as you have your iPhone, you’re sorted.
Facetime. The name, the marketing, the twee advertisements with perfect families – hey, if it’s so perfect, what’s he doing in a hotel?! Do I have Facetime? No, I have Skype like regular people, you fool.
The iPhone 4S, available from Best Mobile Contracts, is I will grudgingly admit, a smartass phone. But no one likes a smartass, Apple, and thus I’m compelled to stubbornly remain in Camp Android.